The End of Approach Anxiety
Approach anxiety is an annoying evolutionary fear and it is your biggest enemy and obstacle to success with women. Approach anxiety is the hesitation and the “freeze” that you get when you see a beautiful woman and want to approach her but talk yourself out of it.
You can never totally rid yourself of approach anxiety even after you’ve mastered your approach; there’s always a bit of underlying nervousness and excitement when you cold approach a woman that you’re physically attracted to, even for the most experienced ‘PUA’s.
But you can reduce your approach anxiety so much that it becomes virtually non-existent. You can reduce it enough to where it will no longer hinder you from seeing an attractive woman, wanting to approach her, talking yourself out of it and regretting it the rest of the week.
The Main Cause of Approach Anxiety
Fear of rejection is the main reason for approach anxiety and it is your biggest enemy. Understanding this will help you manage it during your next approach. Your fear of rejection is your brain trying to keep you from getting emotionally hurt in the world. But it’s a completely irrational and unnecessary fear. Getting rejected by a woman doesn’t really hurt at all, it’s your own negative thoughts and insecurity that follow a perceived rejection that really hurt you.
Fear of rejection is your worst enemy because it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You’re afraid that she won’t like how you look or that you’ll say the wrong thing, so you hesitate, fidget and broadcast your insecurities to her during the approach. And if you do that you shouldn’t be surprised when you get turned down, not necessarily because of what you said or how you look, but because your body language told her that you’re an under-confident nervous wreck.
The good news is that you can regain control over your emotional response to rejection and start to overcome your approach anxiety. The bad news is that you have to confront your approach anxiety head on and put yourself in situations will you will most definitely be uncomfortable and feel “awkward”.
Even the Best Get Rejected
Even the best PUAs will get rejected from time to time, there’s no approach that works 100% all the time, for every situation. If the best get rejected then of course you can’t expect to not be rejected. You are going to be rejected most of the time to start, there’s no way around it. There’s just too many variables and most of them are out of your control, and you aren’t going to be good at until you’ve done this for a while. Once you embrace the fact that you will be rejected it won’t come as a shock to you when it happens.
And don’t ever think that just because you’re turned down once that it’s game over with that particular girl forever. Many guys will tell you that they have had hostile responses to their initial approach only to go home with the same girl that evening. There are a million reasons why you can be turned down, and most of them are outside of your control.
You Won’t Get Confident Overnight, but You Will Eventually
You aren’t going to become confident when approaching women you’re attracted to overnight; it will definitely be a gradual process. Getting over your approach anxiety will take time and a lot of effort. You have to earn it by putting yourself out there, getting rejected and learning how to control your negative emotional responses to rejection or perceived rejection.
To put it bluntly, you have to learn to not give a shit. The more that you put yourself in situations to meet women, the more approaches that you make, the more your confidence will start to build up and the better you’ll get at it. There’s just no magic bullet for confidence, and positive affirmations are great but they won’t give you the real world experience you need to develop real confidence.
You need to motivate yourself enough to be willing to make numerous cold approaches with women you find attractive every day. You can start by approaching women you don’t find attractive just to work on your conversational skills and learn how to control your nerves.
Approach Women You Aren’t Sexually Attracted To
An easy first step to overcoming approach anxiety is to cold approach women you aren’t sexually attracted to. Doing this on a regular basis will help you teach yourself art of the cold approach and there’s no risk involved.
Your mind won’t be working against you as much because you don’t want anything from her, so your fear of rejection should be minimal or almost non-existent. It’s just like applying for a job at a company that you have no real interest in actually working for – the interview isn’t going to be stressful at all because you don’t care what the outcome is.
There is an easy first step that almost anyone can do. Start by approaching 3-4 women you aren’t attracted to every day and it will help to build your confidence up gradually. Don’t worry about how they respond to you, just try to make a conversation with them and keep them interested. If the conversational fizzles out, move on to the next opportunity.
This is just a starting point to getting over your approach anxiety, and eventually you’ll have to take the leap and start approaching women that you find attractive.
Your Approach Attempt is The Victory Itself
When you start approaching attractive women, don’t make it your goal to get a positive response from them. Yes it’s awesome if that happens, but it shouldn’t be the main reason why you are making the approach initially. Your first goal when learning how to approach beautiful women is just to make the approach, get the experience, and move on. Most guys aren’t even trying to approach them, so you’ve already got an advantage over the competition just by making an attempt.
If you get a phone number then great, otherwise you aren’t going to sulk about being turned down or start doubting yourself because you weren’t expecting anything out of it. Be patient with yourself, eventually your self belief will improve and you’ll have a better success ratio.
Attractive Women are Everywhere
Don’t ever think that you need to be dressed up at a bar on the weekend to start making approaches. Attractive women are everywhere so always keep your eyes open for approach opportunities. You will want to be in as many places as you can during the day to meet beautiful women.
You’ll find them at the grocery store, shopping mall, restaurants, and almost anywhere else, but the reason why you overlook them is because you haven’t trained yourself to seek approach opportunities all the time, every day.
It’s always the places you don’t expect to find attractive women where you end up actually finding them, so you should always be ready and recognize approach opportunities when they happen. Make it a rule that you approach the first woman you are attracted to you every time you leave the house. Don’t ever talk yourself out of making an approaching because you weren’t expecting a hot girl to show up where you were at.
The More Women you Approach, the Better You’ll Get at It
The more that you go out and approach women you’re attracted to, the more confident you’ll get, because you are going to eventually get a favorable response and you are training yourself to overcome your fear of rejection.
Just remember that you’re making approaches for your own experience, not to get anything out of it, so who cares if you get rejected. It’s all about learning to detach from the misconceptions and self-doubt you associate with being turned down.
With enough experience you’ll get the art of the approach down and you’ll be able to push the odds more in your favor of getting what you want. Now get out of the house and start talking to some hot women!
Written By Michael Valmont